well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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