he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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