More tranny stories later!
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
