i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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