my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
