Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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