a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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