1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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