Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
