Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
