Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
