i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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