Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
