I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I would ride that face into the sunset
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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