is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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