I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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