I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
