Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
