I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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