what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
