My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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