at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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