True but thats because hes a fetus.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
