there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
