Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
