Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
