I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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