I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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