Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
