I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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