Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
you would pick up someone in the library
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
