I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
