wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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