I got chris browned last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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