I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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