Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
