You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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