haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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