dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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