I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
