My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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