why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
