We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
