I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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