Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
