I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
