It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
