Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The Olympian is in my bed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
