While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
