I heard we made out
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
