if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize