listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
