Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I accidentally had phone sex last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
