I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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